(broken hearts)

somehow i could not ever completely let out in words how i felt. i have been waiting for some words to form in my mouth through my mind, but no words will ever come. i found this though on thoughtcatalogue and thank goodness i did, it is beautiful and melancholy.

a few extracts from On Being Brave Enough To Start Again by Kat George;

"...it’s the promise you make to yourself that you’ll never be heartbroken again.

It’s painful because you know it’s not you, it’s not right, and because your decision inhibits you from making contact the way you used to."

"You just don’t want to feel any of those feelings again—emptiness, sorrow, rejection—the ones that came from you letting yourself be vulnerable to someone else. You don’t ever want to relinquish that sort of power to someone again."

"So you’ll push the new ones away instinctively. Half of you will be relieved and the other half will pang with melancholy. You want to be braver—because when it comes down to the bones of it, all you really are is scared. You wish it was as simple as calling out to your mother and having her check under your bed and in the closet for the boogey man, but you’re on your own now, with no one to protect you from night terrors but yourself. You sometimes think the conflict inside you is tantamount to spilt milk and you feel petty and selfish, but you’ve become so accustomed to living on the back foot you don’t know how to leap forward anymore."

"You’re not a bad person—you know you’re not—you have so much love to give, but you’ve never feared anything more than giving it. It seems like such a shame and waste, but at the same time entirely necessary. You desperately want to be inspired again, to hold someone’s hand in the street, to have them brush the hair from your eyes as you rest your face on their chest in bed on lazy Sundays. You want someone to tell you they love you in the dim half-light of morning, you want someone you can cook dinner for, you want someone whose wounds you can lick... you let them all pass by you and around you, like wind whipping against your ankles. Your heart is still and safe."

my dreams.

a frustrated artist, drawing my favorite fiction craving perfection forever. i could not, however, see the flaws in any one of his drawings, his strokes were with ease and yet a little anxiety everytime. the drawings were perfect, perfect, why couldn't he see that?

some still-secret lover sitting with me, wondering and seeing for the first time. he uttered words so mellifluous that overwhelmed me, he asked "where could you have been before? how come i never found you earlier?"

oh, dreams, (holds the deepest parts of oneself) i have been remembering all of you so vividly lately.

perth.

i left a part of my heart at Perth. i don't miss its sometimes languor as much as i miss its weather, my sisters, the sunshine, the beach and beautiful places. i wish i could i take along with me all my favorite people and take a million photographs and have so much contentment that my heart can  burst and i would breathe out all the magic in my lungs into the world.

have a really, really lovely week! xxx

"he smells of watermelon."

seed(s); in the ground, in my mind flourishing and blooming and growing wonderfully, will mellow into a dream tree.

feelings; as real as the sunshine i feel burning on my skin, hair and i hid them away in a labyrinthine secret garden, hoping always to be away from him who can over and over again spark them alive.

it's the sinking feeling of being alone.

i'm so so sorry i haven't been posting , loves. i'm back now and i have so many photographs to show you and stories to tell. i hope you get all the unsaid words through the photos. (:

pigtailed little girl playing with twigs and sticks and leaves in the sand, oblivious to the other children and i wondered what she was doing.

 this salmon-coloured kitty was the first i'd ever seen. she is such a beauty, and a man so kind-hearted rescued her from the streets, i met them both at the pet food store.

what i think is a baby monitor lizard on land. it scared me and we scared it away into the water.

 these women have dark intense eyes, they are always at the park in the evenings in fancy, lovely saris.

smooth soft delicate feather, after its time in the air on stony sandy rough ground.

 sunset on one Sunday.

sunset on one Monday.

 when my friend and i found an artists' crazy beautiful sculptures and statues and creations.

my Collie friend named Lassie.

i am so tired but glad that it's Friday tomorrow! i hope you are all having happy hearts! xxx

after all this time? always.

it was one of the best nights of all! (: i enjoyed the movie thoroughly but i want to watch more, more of it until every last scene is memorized in my mind, like all the other movies have been!

it's almost the weekend already! hope your week has been lovely. xxx

postcards from the 70's.

my wonderful grandma gave me this set of 18 postcards that she found in her mother's belongings. (: they are beautiful postcards from the mid 70's when my great grandma went for an adventure in Italy. postcards bring me away, away to places i know only from my daydreams of a carefree and wanderlust life that i'd like to think is waiting for me.

"i think, 'maybe we are like heartbeats', an internal rhythm; the slow flow of life. or maybe outside is inside is outside and we are all one and the same."

-Mexico Rosel

i hope you all have golden days drenched with happy! (after all, we are all one and the same)

i will show you more postcards from this set in awhile, in better, clearer pictures. these were taken in quite a hurry so they aren't too good!

p.s. i will be going for the HP7 Pt. 2 premiere tomorrow night! (: this is one of those times i feel like i'm the luckiest girl ever and i extra-thank God for all that i have.

sunsisters.

when my stepsisters were here last week for too short a time and we went for a Japanese dinner and watched Paranormal Activity 2 after. (: i miss having sisters and sharing secrets with them. i'm waiting patiently till the next visit again near Christmastime and after my major exams! (:

xxx