July 8, 2012

things i'm afraid to tell you


i have a senseless, pathetic, desperate need for love, so much so that one of my biggest fears is that i wouldn't and couldn't be loved in return. everybody has insecurities, of course, but these are mine. i have so many that they all blur together and some are deep-seated, buried so well that i don't even realize them until one painful moment that steals my breath and chokes my tears out and makes my head spin. i suppose being young is being ignorant but the teenage years brings out the brutal truth for everyone. after some friends abandoned me in the middle of high school, i tried to cling on to every bit of what was home to me for the past few years. i felt completely alone, more alone than i've ever felt in my whole life. to say that photography saved me and made me want to live again after that is an understatement. i found a new home and by then, i've had time to heal. almost as if my subconscious knew, i didn't feel as much as i did and less things affected me. i was happy most days and it was literally like seeing the world with a fresh pair of eyes.

i crave to learn trust and to know love. i want to know and have a love that will inspire faith in me to believe that some things do and can last for as long as i live, if not forever. i never realized how love and faith are so profoundly intertwined and now, there's not much left to wonder why i want both endlessly.

7 comments:

KF said...

tasha you are such a beautiful lady inside and out! & that very last paragraph is just the most perfect thing i have ever read. <3 xx

galatea. said...

wowwww love how the flowers are perfectly blending in your hair! bougainvilleas are my favorite x

Kasia Skowron said...

it will come in most unexpected moment.
i promise baby girl

shannonmaree said...

Tasha, your comment made me so very happy, thankyou thankyou thankyou! :) The pages I wrote the poem in were from a notebook my mum bought for me, it's absolutely gorgeous.

"photography saved me" - this line was so powerful, I can completely relate. Photography seems to have this amazing healing power.

Shannon

Cappuccino frío said...

i love all your photos!!!

v said...

here's a big hug for you, Tasha. I hope that things are all better now.

Thank you for reminding and, for a lack of better words, writing it out plainly for me to see that love and faith go hand in hand. Thank you for your words and your photos.

Know that you're loved and supported :)

Jada said...

Beautiful, honest, and raw. It feels good to pour your heart out, huh?
We all feel unloved at times, but like Kasia said above, "it comes at unexpected times." Don't worry :) And from what you've told me via email, I'm crossing my fingers for ya! ;)