i have a senseless, pathetic, desperate need for love, so much so that one of my biggest fears is that i wouldn't and couldn't be loved in return. everybody has insecurities, of course, but these are mine. i have so many that they all blur together and some are deep-seated, buried so well that i don't even realize them until one painful moment that steals my breath and chokes my tears out and makes my head spin. i suppose being young is being ignorant but the teenage years brings out the brutal truth for everyone. after some friends abandoned me in the middle of high school, i tried to cling on to every bit of what was home to me for the past few years. i felt completely alone, more alone than i've ever felt in my whole life. to say that photography saved me and made me want to live again after that is an understatement. i found a new home and by then, i've had time to heal. almost as if my subconscious knew, i didn't feel as much as i did and less things affected me. i was happy most days and it was literally like seeing the world with a fresh pair of eyes.
i crave to learn trust and to know love. i want to know and have a love that will inspire faith in me to believe that some things do and can last for as long as i live, if not forever. i never realized how love and faith are so profoundly intertwined and now, there's not much left to wonder why i want both endlessly.