year-old film

a mix of photos i took last year using the La Sardina and a disposable camera i received from my lovely friend, Louise! :)

i am so keen to shoot more film, it makes me feel so many wonderful things <3 p="p">

discreet.

a note i left in college for anyone who needed it.

"procrastinators: leaders of tomorrow". this lady was reading her book the whole train ride until the end of the line and occasionally had on a bemused expression.

one of the happiest photos i've taken in a long time

i think i could possibly fall more and more in love with trains everytime i go on one. whether it is the glow of the artificial light in dark, velvety underground tunnels or on the elevated tracks where i feel like i am among the tall buildings, everything is calming. and the people are my favourite. i see all kinds of people, some from faraway lands and some possibly living the next street over and i wonder about every one of them. i try my best to not be clubbed into the dank submission of routine, mediocrity and oldness. i want to see old things and places and people in new ways as much as i possibly can and still find beauty in all of them.

i found a wondrous bit of inspiration from this artist i recently discovered;

Can you define inspiration?

The world is so interesting. I mean it’s so fucking supremely interesting.

Our own bodies, other people’s bodies, the streets with their clutter of 

civilization, words, people’s shoes, animals and their direct approach to 

life, books, music, art, science, movies, food, architecture and on and on.

Really, only the truly lazy are at liberty to be bored. The rest of us have

no choice  but to gawk with curiosity at an endless stream of this or that.

And that’s probably why you’re on tumblr.

Of course, it’s not always easy. We’re trained to think in patterns; to club

things together. So eventually we stop noticing things. When we’re out

on the street we see traffic, stores, people and garbage. Instead of yellow

Corvette, neon typography, shiny shoes or a discarded chair. 

We also tend to label things as having been experienced. This destroys

inspiration. Just because you’ve listened to a song doesn’t mean you can’t

hear it for the first time again. You can have first experiences over and

over again. You just have work harder to untrain your brain.

That’s what inspiration is to me. To find the maximum number of things 

in this world interesting and to try to experience events as if I haven’t

already. This makes me interesting. And everything I do interesting.

-Zag

(Source: shahirzag.com)

litost

 

"I was in the winter of my life — and the men I met along the road were my only summer. At night I fell asleep with visions of myself dancing and laughing and crying with them. Three years down the line of being on an endless world tour and my memories of them were the only things that sustained me, and my only real happy times. I was a singer, not a very popular one, who once had dreams of becoming a beautiful poet — but upon an unfortunate series of events, saw those dreams dashed and divided like a million stars in the night sky that I wished on over and over again — sparkling and broken. But I didn’t really mind because I knew that it takes getting everything you ever wanted and then losing it to know what true freedom is.

When the people I used to know found out what I had been doing, how I had been living — they asked me why. But there’s no use in talking to people who have a home, they have no idea what it’s like to seek safety in other people, for home to be wherever you lie your head.

I was always an unusual girl, my mother told me I had a chameleon soul. No moral compass pointing due north, no fixed personality. Just an inner indecisiveness that was as wide and as wavering as the ocean. And if I said that I didn’t plan for it to turn out this way, I’d be lying — because I was born to be the other woman. I belonged to no one — who belonged to everyone, who had nothing — who wanted everything with a fire for every experience and an obsession for freedom that terrified me to the point that I couldn’t even talk about — and pushed me to a nomadic point of madness that both dazzled and dizzied me.

Every night I used to pray that I’d find my people — and finally I did — on the open road. We had nothing to lose, nothing to gain, nothing we desired anymore — except to make our lives a work of art.

Live fast. Die Young. Be Wild. And Have Fun.

I believe in the country America used to be. I believe in the person I want to become. I believe in the freedom of the open road. And my motto is the same as ever —I believe in the kindness of strangers. And when I’m at war with myself — I ride. I just ride.

Who are you? Are you in touch with all of your darkest fantasies? Have you created a life for yourself where you’re free to experience them? I have. I am fucking crazy.

But I am free."

the most perfect words by a lovely chameleon soul, Lana del Rey.

inspiration cannot come at a better time than now and there are no words truer than this.

a self-portrait inspired by "Ride"

constant, turbulent riot.

i crave many, many things but perhaps the strongest is to have freedom to accomplish. perhaps my idea of "accomplishment" is not to get straight A's and go to a top university to study a bachelor's in business or medicine and whatnot. i simply want to do what i love. i want to be able to walk wherever my feet will take me and go on calm, soothing, thinking train rides. i want to photograph everyone and everything and document every piece, second, moment of my ongoing life. i know that given some time, i can accomplish more and feel more fulfilled than i have ever felt in my life.

but i am not an uncommon person. i wait, like everyone else. wait for exams to be over, wait to end college, wait to be able to do more shoots, wait to put in all my heart, soul, energy into photography, wait for all the "important stuff" to be over so that i can live. always waiting waiting waiting. most of us tell ourselves to live, that living starts now and not wait another second but who are we kidding.

i can feel myself evolving into someone i so wish not to be and i cannot help it and worst of all, i don't know how to undo it. i don't know how to let in the light.
i am turning into a realist, a pessimist, a grey, bleary, cloudy, mediocre person. what a sad, sad realization it is.

i would apologize for my ridiculous amount of negativity but honestly, this is what i have been feeling most days.