October 14, 2012

constant, turbulent riot.

i crave many, many things but perhaps the strongest is to have freedom to accomplish. perhaps my idea of "accomplishment" is not to get straight A's and go to a top university to study a bachelor's in business or medicine and whatnot. i simply want to do what i love. i want to be able to walk wherever my feet will take me and go on calm, soothing, thinking train rides. i want to photograph everyone and everything and document every piece, second, moment of my ongoing life. i know that given some time, i can accomplish more and feel more fulfilled than i have ever felt in my life.

but i am not an uncommon person. i wait, like everyone else. wait for exams to be over, wait to end college, wait to be able to do more shoots, wait to put in all my heart, soul, energy into photography, wait for all the "important stuff" to be over so that i can live. always waiting waiting waiting. most of us tell ourselves to live, that living starts now and not wait another second but who are we kidding.

i can feel myself evolving into someone i so wish not to be and i cannot help it and worst of all, i don't know how to undo it. i don't know how to let in the light.
i am turning into a realist, a pessimist, a grey, bleary, cloudy, mediocre person. what a sad, sad realization it is.

i would apologize for my ridiculous amount of negativity but honestly, this is what i have been feeling most days.


Elise said...

you take amazing pictures, keep it up!
and it's ok to be negative sometimes. i am. it seems like i'm always waiting for something else, like you, and i don't realise it when "something else" actually is here. it's just a constant wait.

kimi said...

I love seeing your perspective of the world. the balloon shots are adorable!

I am much like this too, unfortunately. I have found that when I am happy and see the world with optimism, I am either: surrounded by my most favourite people (and having an enjoyable time), or when I am taking photos.

it is hard not to let the grey seep through, but when it does, we need to learn to embrace it and turn the negative energy into positive.

everyone waits, but we can either stand there and wait, or we can entertain ourselves with something fun until we reach our destination.
♥ ♥

arttu said...

the loveliest photos you have here, especially the ones with the balloons - you look good! :) you're really one of my biggest inspirations, love your writing too. xx

Regina Leah said...

seeing your beautiful photos and your gorgeous smile makes me instantly happy!

i am using the Canon EOS 1000D with the 50mm f/1.8 and I sometimes use the brenzier method my photos when I want more space around my object and I don't have a full frame sensor. but I never expand much.

Catarina said...

Just found your blog! I really love it...your texts and your pictures are so amazing! :)) x


Louise said...

You talk just like the little pessimist voice in my head I am trying so hard to drown out of my head.

I am trying to figure out how to live my life because I feel like I need to do that around this time in life (2nd year college, just turned 20, you know.. it's almost Hollywood bullshit) but I realised something incredibly important last week, happiness is a choice you make. And you're kidding yourself if you think that in the time you're 'waiting' you can go live your life. I am just in the process to find a way to combine living the life I'd like to live and doing the 'important stuff'.

I think it's important to think about these things, I love this post (photos are stunning too)

Good luck Tasha, please don't turn into a pessimist, it's really dreary and awful and it will affect your photography and hopes and wishes and everything you live for. So please be strong, be happy.

Anita said...

That's just exactly how I've been feeling at the moment and you've described it so perfectly. I hope you grow out of your pessimism soon! I love the last two photos the most :)

Sydney L. said...

i know you will get through the hard times <3

Sydney L. said...

i know you will get through the hard times <3

MateaTPol said...

I love your photos, how dou you make this film efferct? raw images?
Thank you :)